One of those lingering issues (of many) over the years with dating, not just online dating but dating as a whole, it was during the early 2000s, until about a decade ago, I noticed there was this repeating trend I would hear from girls I met and would actually go on dates with that really stood out to me. And it bothered me at the time but looking back, it bothers me more in that, how the scenarios were presented to me. Allow me to explain.
The first time I heard this line was probably around 04, I had just bought Betty I. I met a local girl online and we got to talking, she was totally cool. Total nerd/gamer girl and we connected like crazy, Robbi. We compared stories about Comic-con trips and found out we had both been during the same years a few times. She was STILL playing Dungeons & Dragons with a group of friends regularly! We went out several times, most often to Gameworks and Dave & Buster's in Ontario Mills, a few times we (I) would drive to Newport to hang out in the evening sand before driving back.
It was on a trip to D&B that we were progressing to being a little more serious, a little more intimate and I'll never forget this... She was wearing the tiniest, smallest white skirt she probably owned. It barely covered her cheeks as she walked, just enough that the panty line was visible. And then at one point, she made an overtly intentional move to bend over to pick something up in front of her, flashing me her Pepe Le Pew undies. I swear, that was too damn funny. Being so seductive and then turning it into a joke for me was the best.
And as I mentioned, we were talking about becoming a little more serious and that's when she hit me with the infobomb. She was sick. She skirted the exact illness other than it ran in her family but odds were she wasn't going to live more than 5 years. That was some heavy shit to process in that moment. So, what you're saying is that if we become serious, it's entirely likely you/we are going to be going through this in a few years? I honestly couldn't process it well. Handled it even worse, I was really getting to like her.
We didn't consummate anything that night and in the following weeks, we both sort of tapered off how much we were communicating with one another until she wasn't much more than she is now, a memory. But that obviously still lingers with me to this day.
Something similar sort of happened a couple of years later, maybe 05. Another girl I was talking to, her I also met online. Match. Really cool and ironically, she worked in customer service for a cable company. I forget which but she was Girl in Blue. She and I would start chatting it up. Again, I'm still in Riverside and she worked in Montebello, though she didn't say where she lived. After about a week, she mentioned she was housesitting for a friend and his place was in Cucamonga, I could come to see her that weekend, keep her company. Wink, wink.
Saturday night I'm driving around some heavy tree-lined streets in Rancho, almost lost since cell phones of this era still weren't the greatest and forget GPS. In fact, I didn't even get my first GPS unit until 2009 when it was a standalone unit I plugged in before each drive. No, this was me going off maps I printed off Mapquest before I headed out. I finally get to the place and there's her Xterra parked out front like she said it would be. I knock on the door and yes, there's the Girl in Blue. I obviously don't remember her name this many years later. But she looked exactly like her photo. Too bad her photo was just of her face from the shoulders up.
Now, I'm not saying this to be mean, I know I'm not the ideal body type for anybody's tastes. Although you could say I've been rocking the dad bod since before it was a thing. But Girl in Blue was much shorter than the 5' 4" she said she was. And her 'average' figure was hardly that. This girl had CURVES. I'm not saying that in a negative manner. I mean, she had curves in all the places they should be. Just maybe a bit more pronounced than average. Significantly more than average. I wasn't complaining but again, I also wasn't expecting that.
She welcomes me in and immediately, I can smell the cologne of the guy she's housesitting for. One of those musky scents that mechanics always seem to lean towards. If you know, you know. Anyway, we're on the couch, TV's playing something random and we're just talking, getting a feel for one another and that's when she drops something new on me...
She's dealing with a medical issue that I should know about before we get involved. O.k... Turns out she was maybe not so safe with a previous partner and was dealing with something like cold sores in and around her mouth. I couldn't see anything and we were sitting right next to one another. And then she may also be dealing with another problem and she needs to get checked out before she and I do anything. Well, that's thoughtful of her... but you waited for me to come see you before you told me this? I stick around a while longer, just to make sure she understands I'm not freaking out over this... but internally I'm freaking out over this. What the fuck?! You seriously couldn't mention this sooner?
And by 10 pm, I'm ready to call it a night. And she quickly offers the bedroom to crash in if I was tired, she'd stay up and watch some TV. Odd, thanks for the offer but I'm 20 minutes from home, I'm good. She walks me out to the driveway and we turn and hug one another goodnight. That was the last I saw and spoke with the Girl in Blue. She never reached out to me after that night. Not even to ask if I made it home ok. Once again, the only reason she remains in memory like this is because of the infobomb she decided to give me almost as soon as I arrived.
Around 2004 or 05, I met a girl on Match, Megan. She was a teacher up in the high desert but she lived in some apartments near Victoria Garden in Rancho. After a few days of chit-chat, she agrees to invite me over for a movie night. I'll bring a handful of DVDs she wanted to watch and we'll order some pizza. And it's while we're on the couch watching Almost Famous, pizza on its way that we start to become intimate, heavy petting, getting worked up when the doorbell rings, Pizza! Hah! Saved by the bell? We stop to catch our breath and get to eating the pizza, watching the movie and before anything else happens, she needed to tell me something... You know it's coming. Based on the two stories I've already mentioned above, you know exactly what she's going to say.
"Before we go any further, I need you to know I've got an STD. I want to make sure you understand that before anything happens, I don't want you catching anything." Well, that was considerate... But, you couldn't tell me any of this sooner? We half-heartedly watch the rest of the movie, eat some more pizza and later when she wants to continue with the intimacy, I'm obviously not going to be as involved/interested as I was before you dropped that bit of news on me. We didn't go very far after that. We had one more pizza and movie night a week or so later before we both just stopped talking.
Last I heard/saw her on Facebook, she was engaged with 3 kids. Guess the baby daddy either didn't care/wasn't bothered about the STD or there wasn't an STD in the first place...
The most recent time this line of excuses was used on me was about 10-11 years ago. I was already living here in the OC and the girl I did NOT meet online. We had become friends through a meetup group we were in. So it's entirely likely any of the friends I have left from that era might know her so I'll just use her initials, KM. KM and I got along really well during the meetup groups and even though I dated other girls in the time we were friends, we stayed really cool with one another. It wasn't until I had broken up with JB from a previous story, that KM and I were really starting to spend more time talking and hanging out more than with just the Meetup group. But I wouldn't say we were "not-dating," we truly were just hanging out. At first. She even tried to introduce me to a redheaded friend of hers. That girl was HOT, way too hot for a dude like me. But I still tried. She was just too needy of attention from everyone and if it wasn't me, it was going to be the 2 dozen other guys she could be talking to at any given moment.
It's funny, red came out to a group Meetup event for the first time and while I was talking to her, one of the guys in the group who SWORE he could hook up with any girl, and dude, I've seen the girls you've hooked up with. If I lowered my standards, I could hook up with that many girls, too. Anyway, dude decides he wants to get to talking to red. While I'M talking to red. He nudges himself in-between the two of us and I marvel at the audacity of this creeper. And start to laugh as I see red sidestep away from him. Not a lot but it's noticeable. Dude is utterly clueless as he steps to close the distance again. She takes another step away, obviously uncomfortable about him violating her personal space. And he doesn't pick up on it and closes the distance again. Over the course of the next 10 minutes I'm watching them as they're now on the OTHER SIDE OF THE TABLE from me. She literally kept stepping away from him and he'd follow her blindly, not picking up the non-verbal signals that were telling him to "stay the fuck away from me." Red had finally had enough and excused herself and abruptly walked away from the table. Dude watches her walk away and then turns to me and said, "Louie, what are you doing over there?"
I felt awful when I heard she was in a car accident a year or so later. Paralyzed from the waist down. Only significant injury in the vehicle that night.
But back to KM, we were all out one night as a group. Me, KM, Red and two dudes Red invited to meet up with us at Slaters. Hah, that was awesome, that KM was trying to hook me up with Red and Red was bringing other dudes to the party.
Anyway, it was at the end of the night, Red ditched us to go with the two dudes. KM and I went to another couple of bars in Seal Beach before I dropped her off at home. She apologized for Red and how she ditched us and I rather turned the conversation to, what about us? We get along great, I'm attracted to you, I'm assuming you're at least somewhat attracted to me? And then she took a few seconds, literal seconds, to prepare her response(s).
She thought we wouldn't make a good couple because I'm not her type. She only digs redheaded dudes. And I'm too old for her. There was about a 10-year age gap between us at the time, it's true. But there was an even bigger gap between me and Red and KM wanted Red and I to hook up so age doesn't seem to be a real issue... And that's when she dropped the infobomb. Can you guess which one it's going to be?
This is the point where she mentions that she's suffering from some vague, medical condition. And she's only got about 5 years left until she's gone.
Was there some sort of seminar for women on how to blow off a guy and try to not be the bad guy? Because that's really what it's feeling like. The fact that these women were suffering from varying medical conditions, a few of them really vague but life-threatening, and didn't mention the illness at all until it was beneficial to extricate themselves from a situation. Could just be the cynical side of me saying that. But the frequency these happened can't possibly be just a random coincidence. Especially when it comes to life-ending but vague illnesses.
BTW- Last I heard, KM was married and living up in Northern California. That was a few years ago. 5 years past her Best By Date.
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