"Final" Adventure in Online Dating

It's funny to think that back in 2009, I honestly believed that was going to be the FINAL time I was going to try online dating.  Clearly, that wasn't the end of the adventures. 

 Subject : Adventures in Online Dating VIII

Posted Date: : Feb 27, 2009 6:57 AM

It honestly felt like I was watching a train wreck in slow motion…  From the inside engineers compartment.  I could see myself heading towards disaster and there was nothing I could do to avoid it.

 It’s been a few months since my AIOD and I have to say, I didn’t miss conveying my disasters.  But last night was one of those events that I just NEEDED to write about.  Of course, in retrospect, failure was written all over this date from the beginning but I still pressed onward, thinking, no, it might actually be different this time. How wrong I was to be, once again.

A few weeks back, I wrote a girl on Fish with the intention of comparing notes because in her profile, she bemoaned the lack of quality guys at her disposal.  I really didn’t expect a reply at all, however, she not only wrote back but she was very effusive in her response.  My curiosity was peaked.  We wrote back and forth a few times and there seemed to be enough in common that it warranted a phone call before the weekend was out.  After we were on the phone for a couple of hours, we agreed to meet up for a quick date that very night.  Again, it was just one of those things where it just seemed right.

The date went ok, we joked around, talked about the little things but I don’t think I was feeling the right vibe from her but I thought I’d ask for a second date anyway.  Just to see if there might have been something there I missed the first time.  That’s when the drama started to take shape.

After our date, I was in touch with her the next day and asked if she was free that Friday, if we could go out for a second date.  She seemed very eager to go out again so I thought, she must be interested.  Silly me.

Sure enough, the following day, she mentioned she had some dental issue with some swelling in her cheek and she didn’t want to be seen out in public until the swelling had gone done.  Fair enough, I know some people are very touchy when it comes to their outward appearances.  So I agreed to postpone our follow up rendezvous and wait until her swelling had gone down.  That was on Wednesday.  Come Friday night, as I hadn’t made any back-up plans, I’m sitting here farting around online when I see her pop up in Yahoo messenger around 8-ish.  I open up the chat window and figured since she was staying home too, we could at least chat for a while.

Me: “Hey you!  How have you been?”

Her: “Sorry, can’t talk now. Getting ready to head out for tonight!”

Yeah, it took me all of two seconds to realize what she had just said.  For a girl who didn’t want to be seen out in public with her swollen cheek, she was busy getting ready go out.  It only goes from bad to worse after that.

I didn’t get to talk to her for the rest of the weekend, so I’m thinking the worst at this point, when she finally writes me an email apologizing for not being available all weekend.  We talk on the phone for a bit on Monday and make definite plans for this coming week, Thursday night.  Last night, because she was going to be busy the rest of the weekend with prior commitments. She’s a busy girl apparently.

So we go out last night and she’s already in an odd mood but she doesn’t want to talk about it. Clearly, SOMETHING’S bothering her but she said she might cry if she started to talk about it.  Crying on a second date equals bad.  At least I know that much.  So I let it slide and try to keep the conversation light, dancing around whatever the subject might be but, as I said, she’s visibly troubled by something.

 We went for a round of mini-golf.  Yes, I know, big spender.  And off to dinner afterwards.  It was at dinner she finally decided to open up to me as to what was going on that had her so disturbed.

Apparently, Wednesday night she got a phone call from her ex-boyfriend, who’s been wanting to get back together with her…  Ok…

“How long ago did you two break up?”

“Well…  We’re not really broken up.”

“I see.  And how long ago did you not really break up?”

"It was...  "recent."

"And why did you two recently not break up?"

“He’s older and didn’t want kids and I really want kids, that was a deal breaker for me.”

Then she goes on into great detail about the age difference, how he wanted to be with her but didn’t want to give her any kids, and, here’s the best part, how she still really “had feelings” for him.

“So, if he said he changed his mind and would give you kids, would you get back together with him?”

“Oh, of course.”

Check please.

I’m not sure at what point it was ok for a woman to decide to tell her date that she still cared for her NOT QUITE Ex-Boyfriend or that she would go back to him in a heartbeat if he would do something for her.

Maybe it’s just me but, if I’m on a date with a girl and she tells me that if we were to start dating and her ex changed his mind about one thing, she would leave me in a minute to go back to him, why on earth would I subject myself to that?

Needless to say, I won’t be making any efforts to see her again.  Just chalk it up to another Adventure in Online Dating.  You know you missed reading these.