I've never fully put this relationship down in words before, mostly because I was logging about bad online dating experiences and I met JB in a more traditional method. That's not to say it WASN'T a bad dating experience. Only that I've never written down the hows and the whys, only made mention of the ridiculousness of what happened not only with how it ended but what happened after we stopped dating. But let's work towards the end rather than starting there.
Summer of 2010, I was an organizer for a movie Meetup group. As someone who grew up with such a vast access to pop culture, moviegoing was at the top of my list and I first joined this Meetup group because I thought it would be fun to meet other like-minded individuals and attend movies as part of a group so we could discuss the movies afterwards. Simple, right?
But after being in this group for a few months, and having suggested multiple movies to the group organizer, she decided rather than set up everything on her own, she added me as an assistant organizer. I didn't mind because I was interested in a greater variety of films that just weren't her cup of tea.
I would often pick documentaries and art-house fare because I have an interest in those and I eventually scheduled a group outing to watch the documentary about soldiers embedded in Afghanistan, Restrepo. Being a documentary, I figured it was going to be a small group anyway. And the evening of the showing, it was only going to be a foursome. Myself and 3 people I'd never met from the group before. Cool. I also recommended a happy hour before the movie at a chain restaurant that happened to be in the same parking lot as the theater. I think it may have been Chilis. Anyway, I'm sitting in the bar by myself but facing the door just to keep an eye out for anyone wandering in looking lost. And that's how I came to first meet JB.
JB, I recall, wandered into the bar area with a determined look on her face, like she knew who she was going to see. Then I see her make a couple of rounds around the bar before walking just outside. And I guess I can give a brief description of the girl I saw since some of this info plays out later. She was cute, brunette with a round face, a little... thick but not curvy, stocky I guess would be my best description of her. Anyway, she walked outside the restaurant and I get a call on my phone. Yep, that was her. She was looking for me, I told her I saw her walk around looking for someone but wasn't sure it was her. Mind you, my profile on Meetup had my photo, since I was an organizer, that's kind of important. Hers did not. She comes back in and we get to chatting, another drink, an appetizer and we're maybe 15 minutes to showtime before we wrap it up and head over. The other two hadn't shown up but I assumed they were going to meet up at the theater. Nope. Not there either. So our party of 4 was now just JB and I. No worries.
Restrepo was and still IS a fantastic film about our Marines based in Taliban controlled territory. If you haven't seen it, make some time and add it to your watchlist.
After the film, and mind you, this was mid-week, I walk JB out to her car and she starts to open up. Seems the film really struck a nerve with her. She had been dating a Marine and he broke up with her before he shipped off overseas, to Afghanistan. So everything we just watched, she was connecting to her ex. We're still talking when we get to her car and she finally breaks down and starts to cry. Ooph... I couldn't just stand there awkwardly, so I wrap her up in a hug and hold on until she's recovered enough. She thanks me for doing that and once she's composed enough to drive, she gets into her car and drives off.
It wasn't technically a date since it wasn't as though I asked her out, it was a group activity, we just happened to be the only two in the group. But over the following days, she reaches out and we get to talking, see one another at more movie events that I scheduled and she even joined a 20s and 30s social group I was a member of. I guess at this point I can mention that she's 10 years younger than me. 28 to my 38. I honestly didn't think much of it at the time but I will say she looked MUCH younger than 28. Something that will come up later.
Bear in mind, at this point in time, I was also in a FWB situation with A., whom you may remember from previous stories. And this time around, A. was actively trying to be more than just FWB. But once JB came into the picture, she and I were doing all sort of things together. Both with the meetup groups and sometimes she'd call me out of the blue to just hang out and do stuff. Nothing beyond just being friends at the time but it was taking up more and more of my time that I stopped reaching out to A. and she didn't care for that. I found out later how much she didn't care for that.
Anyway, after several weeks, I kind of suggested to JB if maybe we could progress our friendship. We were getting to being one another's +1 without actually saying it. I wanted to say it. She didn't like the idea. Going so far as to tell me she just wasn't ready to be dating anybody. Despite the fact that we were pretty much dating minus the intimacy. She was coming over to my place for movie nights even. But we weren't dating. We would be going out with other couples who were dating, double dates truth be told. But she wasn't ready to call it for what it was. I ended up giving her a drawer in my bathroom for her stuff. But we weren't dating.
Finally, after a few months, literally MONTHS of this, remember we met in late June and we were now crossing into September, Labor Day weekend, we were on a non-date, just the two of us to 1,000 Steps Beach and stayed out there just past sunset, the water rising to overtake our spot on the sand. And on the drive back to her place, she quietly asked; "So, are we dating?"
"Yeah, pretty much." I replied. And I asked, "Are you ok with that?"
She paused for what felt like several minutes before she said, "Yeah." and nodded. I held her hand on the rest of the drive back to her place.
Mind you, her place was just a room her parents were paying to rent from her grandmother. Very odd relationship with her family, to say the least. Since granny was home, I wasn't going to be allowed in so we kissed on her front step... Yeah, it took that long before our first kiss. Remember, months of not-dating. And she went in. And while that was our first official kiss, we made up for lost time over the following weeks. In addition to her drawer of stuff in my bathroom, she got a drawer in my dresser and she made use of it often as she was coming over pretty much most nights and staying the weekends.
One of the first times I made dinner for her, she had to run to a family dinner on a full stomach but she promised she'd come back as soon as it was over. I was doing the dishes and stupid me, ignoring my own precautions, ended up slicing my finger open cleaning a chef's knife.
I made it to urgent care, got stitched back and home before she got back And she asked why I was wearing a gauze wrapped around my finger. I told her and she practically cried. "You bled for me?!" Not exactly but she wanted to thank me and who am I to deny her that? lol
It was when the time came to get the stitches out that I couldn't get an appointment to get them done at Kaiser so she decided she was going to do it for me. The death grip she had on my hand while she was working on it hurt more than pulling the stitches did.
And I have to say, she was fun to date. She was a passholder and on one of our earlier dates to Disney, we were running around in the rain like a couple of kids, we just clicked on a very base level. We shared memes we'd find online and on one Disney trip, we were having a hard time trying NOT to laugh at one kid on the tram line screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE! I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE!" and within 15 seconds of the tram in motion, that kid was ZONKED out. Hah!
This is a girl whom I would get into random tickle fights at my place or while out with groups of friends. We bought a waffle iron to take to a loft party and made waffles for the group. lol Utterly random fun. We all know this wasn't going to last.
A few of her really bizarre quirks was her lack of personal space. Specifically, recognizing mine. I had a thing going on with one of my teeth at the time and once she stopped me as I was coming out of the shower and looked at my mouth. Then she stuck her fingers in my mouth and opened it up to get a better look at my tooth. Like you might do with a pet who ate something he wasn't supposed to.
One weekend, she was housesitting for her parents and invited me over while they were out. We half-heartedly watched a movie on Pay-per-view and called it an early night. nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Too bad she didn't let me sleep entirely. No, not that, I meant in the morning. Again, not that you pervs. No, she woke me up around 6:30 and told me I had to leave. Say what? Her parents might be back soon. Wait, they're staying at a hotel in Huntington Beach. They're not going to have to check out until 11 at the earliest. We've got a few hours. But she demanded I leave anyway. Odd a 28-year-old woman was worried about what her parents would say having her boyfriend over to spend the night. She made it up for it later but still.
Another of her quirks was body dysmorphia. I guess that's not really a quirk but a full on mental disorder. Her grandmother especially harassed her about her weight, which I mentioned earlier, she was stocky. Nothing she could do about that but she was still obsessed with gaining weight and her "imperfections." And she admitted she develops keloids, so she was terrified of getting surgery for anything because of the scar tissue. This plays a part later.
Beyond those, I believed to be little issues, things were going rather well. And come the end of September, I was going to D.C. for a work related conference. She dropped me off at the airport, we kissed goodbye and were both looking forward to seeing each other again the following Sunday when I got back. This is when things really took a turn.
To be continued...
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