This one goes back several years. And it crosses over to a few people and their overestimation of their skills. Specifically when it comes to fellatio. What? I'm going there? Yes. Yes, I am.
Now, what brought this to mind is one of those things that kind of always nagged in the back of my head. But the first time I recall having a conversation about this with a girl was well over 12 years ago. I was still living in Riverside at the time and the girl I met on Match. I'm pretty sure it was Match. Anyway, I'm really not sure how she and I really started talking since we were both out of each other's geographic preferences and then there was an age difference. She was younger than my minimum by a few years. Early 20s to my mid-30's. But somehow, we were chatting and it was all about the Angels. Let's face it, when the subject of Angels baseball comes up, let me pull up a chair and get comfortable, we're going to be talking for a while.
Anyway, JD and I were chatting it up and despite the age differences, we agreed to meet up for an Angels game. I think the first time, I did pick her up from home before the game. And this was a big deal because as I mentioned, I lived in Riverside at the time. She lived in Huntington Beach. Realistically, we should have met at the stadium since it's closer to a midpoint between us than me making the trip to HB, the game, then drop her off at home before heading home myself. Yet, here I was.
She was good company and truly loved the Halos, almost as much as I did. But before too long, we get to talking about Match and our luck, rather, lack thereof, on the site. Just as we're settling into a groove, she kind of drops a bit of info on me about her talent at performing fellatio. Say what? How did that just become the topic of conversation? O.k, I guess we're going there.
And she goes on talking about how every guy she's ever been with and performed that for, they've all raved at how talented she was, "Best they ever had." And she was beaming with pride over it.
After a few moments, I had to gently let her down with the truth. Odds are, she probably wasn't. And the only reason guys would say that is because they want you to do it again. Sorry ladies, and some of you fellas out there, thinking you're the best at that. The fact of the matter is, NO ONE ALIVE would ever tell a girl (or guy) that they suck... ed at it. Any oral sex is good oral sex. Even the worst in the world is still better than none. And as a result, no guy is going to be telling anybody they were bad at it. Not if they ever hoped of getting it again. Sorry to burst your bubble. It's the truth.
And no matter how often I kept telling JD this, she swore she was the best at it. I know what you're probably thinking by now. That I was attempting reverse psychology in the hopes that JD would offer to prove herself to me. But while she may have if I continued that course of conversation, the fact is, I wasn't interested. She was fun to go to the games with, she was cool to hang out with in general. But I was never attracted to her physically. And she tried so hard for so long to get me interested in her, even mentioning her preference for bigger guys. So, whatchu saying I'm FAT!? 😡
We kept in touch and attended a few more ballgames together, in my mind, strictly platonic. She tried different tacts over the following months. And then when I moved to HB for work the following year, she REALLY got aggressive in her attempts. Often inviting herself over to my place to hang out. Which we did. And nothing ever came of it. Not on my end. She would come over to play Wii, we'd go swimming, we'd drink, watch games and then at the end of the night, she'd head home. It got so mundane between us that, despite me putting out invites to everyone and anyone via MySpace and Facebook whenever I'd go see the Spazmatics, she got to be really angry in my comments on those invites. Once even "yelling in ALL CAPS" that I'm never really inviting her, it's just a blanket offer, that I didn't really care if she came out because if I did, I should invite her personally. And even the times she would make it, I acted like I didn't want her there, I never made her feel welcome.
Yes, this was her "jilted girlfriend" comment to my group invitation so all my friends could see. Which was hilarious when other friends chimed in, "Louie always makes me feel welcome." and others along those lines.
I think once JD realized that things between us weren't ever going to happen is when she finally started really looking for other dudes to date. And then she moved to an apartment closer to mine. And despite her inviting me over a handful of times, hell, her place was literally on the way between my place and work, I never once stopped in with her.
She got the hint finally and stopped talking to me altogether once she found a new guy and moved in with him. They've been married several years now with two kids. Dude probably thinks she gives the best head.
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