#StoryofMyLife

May 12, 2020

Once again, in yet another, It Could Only Happen To Me moment...  

Here we are under lockdown, there’s no way, no how I’m going to go out and meet new people for any kind of social non-distancing.  It’s not in the cards.  

Then at the end of last month, literally April 30th, I get a Facebook friend request out of the blue.  I take a look at the profile, no friends in common but she’s also got everything else on her page set to private.  But I notice a lot of Disney, T-Party, Performers in common so I outright ask her if I know her or if she’s a friend of a friend,  Basically, why did you send me a friend request?  She mentioned she must have clicked on the request by mistake and that she swears she’s not one of those crazies...  Uh-huh...  Unusual way to start off a conversation by telling me you’re not crazy.  But I leave the conversation open for a bit to see where she would go from there.

We banter back and forth and eventually I accept the friend request.  Over the course of the weekend, she reaches out to me almost non-stop, opens up about EVERYTHING in her life including her divorce...  but she was still seeing her ex for a FWB situation.  What?  Well, at least that’s what was happening up until a couple of days before she sent me the friend request.  The ex deleted her on Facebook and told her he was done with her.  But apparently this sort of this has happened OFTEN between them.  And she could, at any moment go running right back to him and ditch all her other friends.  Apparently she enjoys the abuse.  And pretty much any guy’s attention.  What can I say, I’ve been on lockdown for nearly 2 months.  I’m bored.  lol

Anyway, while I may be flirting, I can’t help it, it’s genetic, she’s kind of going deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole, opening up about sex with the ex in motel rooms because he lives at home with his mom and she does too.  Mind you, he’s 48, she’s going to be 40.  This is getting WAY TOO interesting for me to just walk away now.  Please, tell me more about this Jerry Springer show you’re living!  

After the weekend, I cannot keep track of how many things she’s told me about that I’d only heard about during daytime talk shows.  You had sex with your best friend’s husband while she took pictures so you could put them up on some adult website you’re on?  WHAT?!  Look, I’m not one to judge but DAMN, this shit is too fucking weird for me to just change the channel now!  Where does Exotic Joe come into the picture?  

So mind you, we only started talking on the 30th, and by the morning of the 4th, I know WAY too much about all the shitshow she calls her life.  And then she decides to take it to the next level.  Totally unrequested, she sends me photos of all her tattoos...  and then the full frontal shot of her.  Uh...  I...  wow, ok.  I guess this is happening now?  But wait, she knows all about T Party and we have multiple friends in common.  Even though she’s got her friends list on private, I can still see mutual friends who have liked or commented on her posts in the past...  So, since she knows about T, she asks what pretty much EVERYBODY has asked me...  Aren’t you dating A_____?  I swear, if I had a nickel for every time somebody asked me that.  Hell, people I barely even talk to have asked me that.  Let me just repeat this for everyone in the cheap seats:  If you are either of our friends, our real friends, you know the answer to that without having to ask.  If you barely know us, are only familiar with us on a passing basis, then you have no real business asking time and again.  In which case, it doesn’t matter to me what you think, or whether or not you know.  So of course, she asks.  Mind you, she could have asked before she sent me the nude but hey, she was fishing, obviously.  

And after getting her answer, she spends the next couple of days aggressively reaching out, texting, video calling and trying her damnedest to get on my good side.  But wait, I wanted to hear more about the trainwreck of your life, not become part of it.  So I’m telling her to slow her roll, pump those brakes, no matter what happens, we’re not meeting each other until the lockdown is lifted, yadda, yadda, yadda...  After a couple of days, she catches the hint and kind of stopped reaching out to me except for an occasional Good afternoon/How are you type of text.  She even says really random shit like, “I want to be invited to your wedding.” and “When you meet someone, I’m going to be so jealous.”  Whew, looks like I’m in the clear?   That was by Wednesday/Thursday.  Remember Wednesday one week, 7 DAYS before was when her ex kicked her to the curb. We’re talking a span from April 30th to May 6th that all this happened.  Luckily, things settle back down over the weekend and I unfollowed her page because she posts way more shit than even I do.  But on a lark, I go visit her profile just to see what other weird ass shit was going on...

As of Saturday she’s “In a Relationship”  

JER-RY!!!  JER-RY!!! JER-RY!!!

In my Final Thought of the situation:

She posted this morning that Facebook is not a dating site.  She will not be downloading apps just to talk to people privately. 

I can't make this shit up.