Something I've noticed I've been doing, and I honestly can't recall how far back I've been doing it but it is a thing, the way I treat certain friends and family. Not that I ever intend or start out treating each other differently, that's just how I've perceived they prefer to be treated and I oblige. Allow me to elaborate.
When I first meet anybody, I treat them exactly how I expect to be treated. That's just plain courtesy. And if we get to know one another better, I often pick up subtle hints and clues as to their personality and before long, I treat them as they treat me. What that means is that I know there are certain people I can joke around with, they totally get my sense of humor and there are often sarcastic replies or digs at one another. Never mean spirited but to others whom I'm not at that level of comfort, it can come across as cold or even downright rude. Again, not my intention, that's just the comfort level I've reached with those friends.
There are friends who truly are more like family and mind you, I've had shouting matches with my family where we can get downright BRUTAL but an hour later we can be sitting around watching TV, "Hey can you pass me the remote?"
"Yeah, I wasn't really watching this anyway, what else is on? And with these friends we can be 'rude' with one another but we also know we can fully trust one another. We can show up at each other's houses and know we're going to be welcomed in, no questions asked.
Still there are others whom, while I may love them deeply, I just don't share a lot of my personal life and problems with them. It's painful to admit this but our friendship just doesn't reach that level. I can't describe it beyond that.
Conversely, there are friends, and they're good friends to be sure, but I also don't joke around with them as often or even hardly at all. That's just not the friendship we've fostered. Nary a joke is cracked between us even though we may hang out often or exchange messages at all hours of the night. But the intimacy of even a light-hearted moment rarely comes up. Either of us are just too closed off to the other. I used to be friends with a girl for over 20 years. I was practically family, her parents and sisters all loved me like I was a long lost cousin. But the ONE TIME I called her out because she was dating a married man, she never spoke to me again. Turns out just because you're friends for half your life doesn't mean much to some people.
Conversely, there are friends, and they're good friends to be sure, but I also don't joke around with them as often or even hardly at all. That's just not the friendship we've fostered. Nary a joke is cracked between us even though we may hang out often or exchange messages at all hours of the night. But the intimacy of even a light-hearted moment rarely comes up. Either of us are just too closed off to the other. I used to be friends with a girl for over 20 years. I was practically family, her parents and sisters all loved me like I was a long lost cousin. But the ONE TIME I called her out because she was dating a married man, she never spoke to me again. Turns out just because you're friends for half your life doesn't mean much to some people.
But I guess what got me thinking about all this recently is in part the retelling of so many bad dating stories and how some of the friends I've made along the way may not have started off with me wanting them to be friends, I ended up in the friendzone.
The flipside to that is that I have some friends who started off maybe not wanting to be JUST friends with me. And I put them in the friendzone. I'm sure this comes across as a bit of a conceit. After all, I know I'm not the most handsome guy out there and I have the body of a potato. I guess some ladies enjoy their French fries more than others.
Looking back on a lot of my Facebook "On This Day" posts from years ago, I keep coming across at least a handful of ladies from seven to twelve years ago that were pretty aggressive in trying to get me to commit to seeing them, meeting up with them, what have you. I mean, there's a couple who called me out on it in some of these older posts. Was I just totally oblivious?
Not totally, but at that point in my life, I had honestly given up the idea of dating for a while. You're familiar with my Adventures in Online Dating stories so you can understand how one can look for a respite from that constant mess. And that's where I was mentally. Just not ready to date anyone and it wouldn't have been fair for me to become involved with someone when I wasn't ready for it.
Do I regret it? Some of them. I mean, some of them, I think it would have been worth a shot to see where it went. Others? I'm glad nothing happened because I valued their friendship at the time. Still others, while we may continue to be friends... oh yeah, don't think some of my current friends started off with me thinking I just wanted to only be friends. But as I was saying, some of them I prefer we stayed friends. Because all their quirks and issues would have driven me CRAZY if we had become involved romantically.
The flipside to that is that I have some friends who started off maybe not wanting to be JUST friends with me. And I put them in the friendzone. I'm sure this comes across as a bit of a conceit. After all, I know I'm not the most handsome guy out there and I have the body of a potato. I guess some ladies enjoy their French fries more than others.
Looking back on a lot of my Facebook "On This Day" posts from years ago, I keep coming across at least a handful of ladies from seven to twelve years ago that were pretty aggressive in trying to get me to commit to seeing them, meeting up with them, what have you. I mean, there's a couple who called me out on it in some of these older posts. Was I just totally oblivious?
Not totally, but at that point in my life, I had honestly given up the idea of dating for a while. You're familiar with my Adventures in Online Dating stories so you can understand how one can look for a respite from that constant mess. And that's where I was mentally. Just not ready to date anyone and it wouldn't have been fair for me to become involved with someone when I wasn't ready for it.
Do I regret it? Some of them. I mean, some of them, I think it would have been worth a shot to see where it went. Others? I'm glad nothing happened because I valued their friendship at the time. Still others, while we may continue to be friends... oh yeah, don't think some of my current friends started off with me thinking I just wanted to only be friends. But as I was saying, some of them I prefer we stayed friends. Because all their quirks and issues would have driven me CRAZY if we had become involved romantically.
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