Not from here, not from there.
Not Mexican enough for Mexico and too Mexican to be American.
La India Maria, dad used to mock mom for being a little indita. Not as refined or cultured as he was. Bear in mind, dad lived in a little shit hole village in central Mexico that to this day, still doesn't have a paved road going through it. But that's the mentality they see all around them. To think you're better than your fellow shit-out-of-luck countrymen.
During the protests of last summer, I distinctly recall mom telling me that one of her brothers, an uncle of mine, told her how we (Mexicans and Latinos) shouldn't be supporting the cause. Because, in his words, "You think they would support us if it happened to a Mexican?" All I could think when I heard that was, what a disgusting point of view that was. Where the fuck do you get off speaking for an entire group of people against another group when we're ALL in this same shit together?! That's like dogs deciding a pecking order to see who gets the table scraps.
This coming from a family where both sides worked as farm laborers until mom was underpaid for her work and when she protested to her supervisor, he told her she can walk if she didn't like it. She did. And many of my aunts and uncles did the same as a show of solidarity.
I can't help but wonder what life would have been like if she had just put up with it and kept on working. What sort of life would us kids have had to this day if she didn't stand up for herself and if the family hadn't supported her walk off. I follow the United Farm Workers group on social media and see my brothers and sisters of the sun and how working in the fields has become a generational thing. Parents working alongside their children at this back breaking work, "essential" employees but paid mere pennies for hard labor and all but ignored by the general public. Looking down their noses at them.
And that same family that worked those fields as kids themselves supporting ultra-right-wing politicians and policies. They don't remember their own father, my grandfather, crossed that line on a map in the dead of night to make his way to this country for a better life for them. It's as though they've forgotten where they came from or think they're somehow better than the same people they worked alongside with a mere 50 years ago. This is the same family that were part of Ballet Folklorico groups before I was born. I remember seeing the costumes and headdresses in the closets at my grandmother's house. What happened to that pride they once had of our gente?
What's more frustrating among Latinos in general, and don't get me started on the 'Latinx' designation because if you're really going to nitpick to that extreme, even referring to the la raza as being related to Latin is incorrect. Latin being the European language that arose in what was once ancient Rome. But as I was saying, what's more frustrating among Latinos in general is their deep seated racism against themselves. I mentioned earlier the pejorative term for native/indigenous peoples. Inditos. Terms for anyone with a darker complexion; morenita, negrito/negrita. I.e., "whiter is better" mentality. Since the Spaniards were pale in comparison to the native tribes they conquered. Self-hate and fatalism being a huge thing among Latinos with a Catholic upbringing.
And hate, baseless hate for other races. I can't begin to count how many times an uncle of mine told racist jokes when he thought I was old enough to "appreciate" them. I can't lie and say I never retold some of those same tasteless 'jokes' to friends in high school and early college by the time I realized how unacceptable they were. Hell, for years some of my friends and I would emulate one of the coolest people we ever saw grace the big screen, Samuel L. Jackson as Jules Winfield in Pulp Fiction. And a bunch of fat Mexican dudes saying some of his lines from the movie... Not REALLY acceptable at the time. And we knew better but we still did it because we were dumb, ignorant.
Now however, the only racial-based joke I remember repeating since then is; ”How does every racist joke start?” and then you mime looking to your left and right to make sure there aren't people of color nearby to hear it. You might chuckle at that but it's true. And you've likely heard a racist joke from your friend(s) where they do that exact thing before starting. If you have to look around to make sure your "joke" isn't going to offend somebody at best, or get your ass kicked, then maybe you should consider not ever repeating it again?
The saying, You can't teach an old dog new tricks" is aptly applied to many of us older generations. We grew up not knowing any better and while some have come to grips with how wrong it was then, the good old days weren't really that good, and made genuine effort to improve it, there are far too many who refuse to accept the fact that the world isn't getting worse, just your view of it isn't holding up to your ideals.
I take comfort in knowing most of these millennials and Gen Z are not just tolerant but fully embracing what this world could be. Should be.
Because if this race to the bottom continues, we're all worse off for it.
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