Tough Love

Self-destructive behavior

I've mentioned in the past that I've often had a habit of cutting people out of my life when I'm looking for some space/distance.  If I feel their...  I can't even call it friendship because true friends, I don't cut out of my life.  But perhaps, acquaintances is more appropriate.  I'll cut out acquaintances if I see they're no longer looking towards my best interests.  It's happened.  People who presented themselves as a friend would turn tail, flip on me and "so long homie."  One dude, over and over would keep telling me that he loved me like a brother.  That he thanked God every day for my friendship.  Of course, as soon as I broke up with an ex, he hooked her up with another buddy of his and his girlfriend suddenly became bestest buddies, BFF's with my ex.  Funny how kitty makes people change their perspective, huh?  

But the point of this post is actually when I cut out people I do genuinely care about and want what's best for them.  But these people surround themselves with toxic personalities, people who will constantly abuse them, mentally, financially, emotionally, and they STILL keep going back for more.  I'm sorry, just listening to you complaining about THEM when you have the ability to distance yourself from them, yet you don't?  Why do you enjoy the drama?  Why do you enjoy the abuse?  

It's those friends that I've taken a tough love stance with.  You keep throwing yourself back to an abuser for approval, I'm not going to be around when you get hurt again.  Which is more important to you?  Our friendship or the attention someone like that might throw your way from time to time?  Can you guess how often those friends come back to me, the person who actually treated them with respect? 

I can think of two friends who were having this issue with the SAME abuser.  One girl, every time we'd hang out, she would spend half the time complaining about the abuser.  "Oh my God, she flew off to Europe with some guy and now she's hitting me up telling me she doesn't have any money."  You realize we're all adults, you don't HAVE to stay friends with someone like that, yeah?  It got to the point where the friend SAID the abusive person was being friendly to her daughter just to get more information from her about everything that was going on.  And I believe it.  

Another friend who was having issues with the abuser, she would always be arguing with her, almost crying to me about it and we'd go off and do our own thing and laugh about the abuser.  But that friend always kept going back for more.  Of course, this girl had a habit of seeking out an abusive personality to attach herself to.  When we met, she was dating/living with some dude in Northern Cal and every.  Single.  Time. She would come down to visit, it would be nothing but complaining about how awful the guy was, how he kept her from going out, having friends of her own up there.  Um, hi, you know you don't have to put up with that.  But she still did until she finally graduated from the university she was attending and moved back home.  It seemed the dude was in her past finally...  At least, I thought so until we were hanging out with her brother on day and he mentioned how my friend had traveled up to San Francisco to meet up with the guy, stayed in a hotel with him...  wait, maybe that's too broad a statement.  She stayed at the hotel while the dude went out to party in the city with his buddies.  She was just a piece of ass for him to have at the hotel when he got back from a night out.  

That was the final straw between her and I.  And out of a sense of "tough love" for her, I distanced myself.  I couldn't be there for her to get hurt yet again.  I'd help her pick up the pieces if she reached out to me but I wasn't going to be around for the damage to happen once again. 
She didn't take kindly to that.  Even going so far as to accuse me of being abusive like her friend that she kept hanging out with that we would make fun of.  Funny she can see and realize she's being abused but refuses to do anything to help herself out of it.  

Of all the friends/former friends whom I've cut out thinking they would eventually wise up and reach back out to me to mend things, I think maybe only 2 have ever actually rekindled our friendship.  By and large, people it seems, would rather suffer than admit they're wrong and ask forgiveness.