Random Thoughts at 4 a. m. on a Sunday

This is going to be text to speech so forgive me for any miscommunication or misspellings, what have you.

Last night I had a really really really good dinner of deep dish pizza and maple bourbon wings and a little something to help me relax and by 5:00 I was done and headed for bed for what I thought was going to be at nap. Then I woke up at 1:00 this morning and have been wide awake for the past 3 hours and change just laying in bed thinking about everything.

Work has taken up far too much of my waking thoughts. It's beyond frustrating how I've dedicated the last almost 13 years of my life to this organization that I've currently the manager of and yet I still end up pounding my head against the wall trying to convey just how much controlling the message means to our member cities. And instead I continually get brushed aside because they will only do the absolute bare minimum to continue to provide service to their customers, their residents. 

Then I start to think about the fact that I have been living back here in Orange county for almost 13 years. I moved back in March of 2009 and here we are in almost October of 2021. It's surreal to think about it to be honest all the things that have happened and changed in my life in these last 13 years people that I've lost, people that I've been friends with and no longer friends with they've all come and gone. Then my memories turned to my dating life or what some might consider a dating life. When I first moved out to Orange county move back out to Orange county I should say, I had just gone through a series of really bad breakups. Which if you know me you know those are very common happen all the time unfortunately. But these the last two that I had were bad enough I should say that I decided once I moved out here that I was going to purposefully stay single. I wasn't planning on dating anyone I was going to stay single go out have a good time enjoy life because I was already in my late 30s and had, in my mind, reached a point where I didn't really feel a need to be with someone other than companionship. So I was very upfront with a lot of the girls that I would meet in telling them this. And most of them were fine with that. There were a handful and these are the ones that I'm going to talk about, that probably didn't deal with that so well. Not to say that they were rejected by any means, but perhaps they FELT they were being rejected?  And we all know how you feel is more important than what actually happened.

And the first girl that comes to mind when I think of this, her name was Michelle.Her last name was very very common. Normal, you might even say. I met her as part of a meet-up group we were in. A movie meetup group and we somehow just sort of clicked, connected. I think probably because we were the two older members of the group most of the time so we just gravitated towards one another I suppose. And then she actually started to message me asking me to do more things beyond the movies. She wanted to go to movies sometimes with just the two of us so we went to a few movies without the rest of the meetup group, and then we would go out to the OC Fair, we go out to dinner, we joined other meetup groups. It honestly started feeling like maybe she thought we were a couple? Even though there wasn't any physical intimacy. Until there was and she... Let me back up here.

So Michelle and I would go out to all these events doing all these sorts of things together and never once was there any sort of hint that we were anything more than just friends hanging out and I was perfectly cool with it until one day at one of our movie meetup groups oddly enough.  After the movie we were sitting around with the group having drinks, appetizers, what have you. And something prompted like a poking, tickling bout between the two of us.  It was all in fun, it was all good natured and I honestly didn't think much of it.  Then at the end of the evening I walked her to her car.  She was parked near me So it only made sense to walk her out. And once we got near her car the poking tickling bout started up again and by the time we got to her car she was in fits of laughter and just had this twinkle in her eye and smile on her face and she just looked at me straight in the eye and said "Just kiss me!", so I did. The kiss got a little more heavily involved than I think either of us were maybe expecting to the point where even though she asked me for it, she eventually stopped and said, "wait, somebody might see us."  Yeah we're in the parking lot at the Block in Orange some lots of people probably saw us why is this suddenly an issue? I think it's safe to say that was enough to probably scare her off because I don't know what she was expecting but maybe... I don't know. . I don't know. . I just.... I'm at a loss even now almost 13 years later 12 years later something like that. To the point where she called me after a few days and said we probably shouldn't hang out anymore. I'd like to remind everyone that she asked for the kiss lol. She ended up leaving the movie meetup group and unfriended me on social media. Came to find out a few months later, literally less than 6 months later, she got married. Now had she been seeing this guy the entire time we were friends? I don't know but you would think if she were dating someone she might have mentioned it in all the times we were hanging out, going out, doing things together?  

There was another girl that I think of when I think of missed opportunities I guess will be the proper phrase to say? Lisa, man this girl love to laugh. She was a single mother of three girls,, she was maybe a couple years older than me but kept herself in really, really good shape and she was a Disney passholder! You would think I would have been more eager to go out and do things with her but again this was at a point in my life where I didn't want to date anyone so in my mind, the handful of times that we did go out they were just Hangouts for me. Disney trips where we would spend the day together just the two of us, I thought we were just hanging out. She would show up to meet up events and she was a little social butterfly to be honest which was totally cool and she always had to leave early because again single mother of three girls and they were living I want to say like Chino or something. So that's a long haul from Chino to Orange county and sometimes to Huntington Beach for events only to leave before the event was over because she had her girls to take care of. She was doing her work life balance social life thing good for her and again I didn't think much of it when she kept persisting me to go out with her to Disneyland more often. There were several times where I would be out at brunch with the group of friends posting on Facebook and I had tentatively made plans to go to Disney and meet up with Lisa afterwards. I assumed she had already had plans and was going to be at the park anyway so if I didn't make it no big loss I thought. The number of times were she, I guess harassed would be the most correct word? The number of times she harassed me about not making it to the park, at the time I thought she was just being funny. But as I've seen these messages replay over and over on my Facebook timeline from "On this day"  back in 2009, 2010, I've come to the realization that she was genuinely upset and bothered that I was standing her up. She tried to make light of it but you can still read her disappointment in those messages. Those repeated messages. To the point where the last few had become statements along the lines of I'm just going to go meet you at brunch and drag you to the park with me. I'm pretty sure the final straw for her actually indirectly involved another friend at a meetup event. This other friend, she and I had a FWB situation going on at the time and she made it to a meetup event at the beach where she somehow ended up popping her knee out of place. Lifeguards came by to look after her pop her knee back into place, put a cardboard brace on her and told her to get to the ER to get looked at. She's a stubborn girl and refused to leave the beach party.  To take a little something for the pain she was given some Tylenol 800 that another girl gave her. She decided to wash that down with a few glasses of wine that someone had offered her. Needless to say this girl didn't handle that too well the alcohol and medication and at the point where she was almost clear headed enough to decide she wanted to leave and drive herself home I could not let her go. No way in her condition was she capable of driving back out to the inland Empire. So I ended up packing my stuff putting her in my car dropping her off at my place and literally shuttling back and forth between the beach to grab my stuff and leaving her knocked out on the couch. This created an unusual situation because I was actually speaking with a third girl whom I was trying to go out with. I'm now dealing with Lisa who is pretty upset because I wasn't giving her the attention she wanted, dealing with my friend who was beyond wasted AND I had been chatting it up with another girl who, I'm going to be honest my FWB actually suggested I hook up with this other girl. But anyway, so FWB gets dropped off at my place I'm shuttling back and forth Lisa has driven home upset because I wasn't paying enough attention to her and the third girl is left at the beach and she doesn't understand why I'm looking after wasted girl. For the record FWB crashed out on my bed but was pretty restless the entire night eventually stripping off all her clothes trying to get comfortable while wearing a cardboard brace that the lifeguards put on her for her knee. What really sucked was the fact that I was now at home watching over a drunk friend who was completely naked on my bed and it was barely 8:00 on a Saturday night.  She had to get up to pee a handful of times over the night and I got up with her to make sure she was okay enough to actually walk to the bathroom and back because of both her drunken stupor and her blown out knee. I just thought it was really funny that despite the fact that she's wandering around my apartment naked every time she went to the bathroom she had to close the door for privacy. I mentioned this to her the following morning when she finally got up and saw she was naked. And then she said that for whatever reason she gets really shy when she goes to the bathroom. Okay! 

Lisa didn't give me more opportunities after that one. I think she only tried scheduling a few more Disneyland trips with me for a couple more months pretty much into Fall and by Christmas she had blocked me on Facebook. 

The third girl, she and I eventually did go out on a date. It was a mariachi brunch in LA and it happened to be at the same time that Mexico was playing in the World Cup. So that was cool. Unfortunately during brunch the band started singing Amor Eterno and that brought back all kinds of memories for her and her grandmother who had passed away just a few years before.  It happened to be her grandmother's favorite song. The fun we were having suddenly turned into a really quiet, somber mood as she sat there wiping away tears. We both only made half-hearted attempts to schedule another date after that. Even though she lived in Huntington Beach just a few blocks away from my office and her office was across the street from mine, our schedules never "worked out." 

More Who Are You?

Piggybacking on yesterday's post about these unfounded beliefs in being another nationality or ancestry, it got me thinking about the people who, in addition to being proud of their background, as one should. But taking that pride to the point where they feel the need to mention it at every turn. I think of movies and pop culture where any character repeatedly mentions they're '____'. 

"It's because I'm black, isn't it!?"

Seth Rogen mentions he's Jewish pretty much all his films. 

There's a saying in Mexico about how one behaves versus being obviously of Mexican descent. Similar to putting on airs. A loose example is, say a person is behaving as though they don't speak Spanish. I've seen it and even dealt with it multiple times.  Say when a customer comes in and starts asking for assistance with something and they're speaking in very broken English. You can almost hear the Spanish accent underneath it all. MY reaction to that would be to start speaking to them in Spanish, to smooth the lines of communication. And 99% of the time, they appreciate the help. But that 1%...  They get all offended and demand to keep speaking in English. To which, we would say to one another after the customer was out of earshot, '¡ni con el pinché nopal en la frente!' - 'not even with the fucking cactus on his forehead.'  I have to admit, I laugh just thinking about that. 

But even a step beyond declaring your heritage at every turn are the folks who believe that because you are of a certain ancestry or nationality, you somehow have super powers in any given field. And I'm sure most of us have done it before. 

I can out drink you, I'm Irish!

I have to mention the obvious, Black men are well endowed. Actually that would be a cool super power. 

You can't fool me, my great-grandmother was a witch!

Come to think of it, these are also bordering on stereotypes. Which is another one that people will sometimes use in a self-depricating manner. 

I can't drink, I'm Asian.

I'm can't help I'm cheap, I'm Jewish. 

It's funny, seems people don't like being put into a category or defined. Unless they do it themselves. And will more than happily go willingly. 

Who Are You?

It's funny, there's been this family rumor that somewhere along the family tree, we had Japanese ancestry. Nothing ever proven, nothing ever specific, just something our grandparents would casually mention from time to time. I never believed it, to be honest. I had an interest in Japanese culture anyway. I even have that kanji tattoo on my arm.  But some of my cousins really took on this identity where they would openly tell people that they were Mexican with a little Japanese going way back. Yes, they openly told people that. But as much pride they had for our lineage, they never really made attempts to find out more about our ancestors. Who was this distant relative, where from Japan did he or she come from?  Nope. None of that. They were just part Japanese. 

Recently some relatives took some DNA tests, now that they're pretty widely available, just for fun. I'm sure you all know where this is heading. 

Yeah, that Japanese ancestor?  Did they come over on the Bering Land Bridge 13,000 years ago?  How many generations out do you end up with a less than 1% genealogy?  Haha, I think less than half a percent actually. 

The Thing About... Evil Criminal Organizations

Where does all their money come from?  Obviously in popular culture it's often best to not really delve too deep into the backstory or nuances or history and just accept the story as it comes.  But this really unusual trend that I suppose started as far back as James Bond 007 with Spectre, are these criminal syndicates that operate in the shadows, where are they getting their funding from? And I'm not talking about the smaller scale drug lords and their crew and what have you's.  Those are easy to understand.  Their criminal influence only goes as far as the neighborhood, city, whatever.  No, I'm talking about massive worldwide organizations.  Something along the lines of GI Joe's Cobra or...  Well, no, I guess that's the most egregious criminal organization with unexplained revenue. One could make a case that Hydra in the Marvel Universe also fits the bill. But it's been mentioned often that Hydra operated within SHIELD. So that's how they were equipped and organized. Like a leach on a host body. 

But who's paying for Cobra's MASSIVE bases, all the equipment and their legions of faceless cannon fodder?  I mean, how well are they paying that they can hire thousands of troops to even attempt a global takeover?