With Friends Like These Vol IV

Something I learned a long time ago was that despite our age, despite everyone getting older, apparently growing up is entirely optional. And with that, maturing is also optional. Growing up beyond the high school mentality so many people take into their adult lives just never seems to happen for some.

How often have we, as adults, dealt with a friend or acquaintance who still, despite their age, behaved like a spoiled child. Or worse a vengeful, spiteful, attention seeker?  

I've dealt with countless instances since high school where someone who claimed to be a friend would gleefully drop the dime, throw the rat, pass along any negative information to another person saying that I did or said whatever. Gossip, plain and simple. It has nothing to do with the gossiping person but they love the drama that comes from it and they somehow feel vindicated by ratting out other people.

I could literally rattle off dozens and dozens of former friends who did this exact same thing to me over the years. People who claim to be my friend but if I were to say anything, not even negative, just a mild critique of someone, they would go running to the person I spoke of and say "Louie said this and that about you!"  So it's no surprise that it continues to happen to this day.

But what a lot of these people don't understand, what they truly fail to grasp, is that I caught on to this game so long ago that I use this gossipy person to my advantage. Oh didn't see that coming did you? What I have gotten into the habit of doing, when fishermen go out hunting shark they have this technique called chumming the water where they throw out bits of flesh, blood, whatever in the hopes of attracting a shark. They are literally drawing the shark to the surface by giving them exactly what they want. So I've done this multiple times over the years and nobody seems to catch on where I will intentionally say something negative about a person, subject, what have you. Sometimes I'll even get creative and tell different people different things just for the purpose of seeing which of these comments get back to the person I initially said it about. I'm chumming the water and at the same time the gossip is outing themselves by passing along whatever it was I said about the person. 

I've done this before with the same group of people, you think one of them would have eventually caught on? 

That means it happened recently with these handful of stories that I just shared this week.

So thank you for being exactly that "friend" I figured you would be. 

With Friends Like These, Vol. III

I used to be friends with a girl and to be perfectly honest, looking back, we weren't really that close of friends. Granted she repeatedly said we were but actions speak louder than words. And her actions proved that we were more along the lines of me being a platonic companion than an actual friend.

Oh don't get me wrong we hung out often, her crashing at my place, me crashing at hers but even in those moments when we're just sitting around watching movies I realized that while the movie was on and I was intent and watching it, she often would just be sitting there playing on her phone whatever game or app or having conversations with multiple other people rather than actually being involved and being in the moment enjoying the movie together. 

A handful of times, I was going through some pretty serious stuff and needed someone to talk to. First few times I tried to open up to her just to get things off my chest, she clearly wasn't paying attention. Bordering on ignoring anything I was saying. Quickly learned never to bother her with anything serious in my life. 

Oh God, one time we were out and actually, let me correct myself, a few times we were out and about doing things and again her nose buried in her cell phone and multiple times she ended up calling me by some other dude's name. Multiple times. Which obviously meant she wasn't paying attention to me, she was paying attention to the dude she was texting rather than being involved with whatever we were doing at the time.

This girl reminded me a lot of the fox who lost his tail fable that we all grew up hearing/reading. Not that she was disfigured by any means and wanted people to cut themselves to replicate that.  No I don't mean that at all. I'm speaking more along the lines of if she felt that she discovered some movie or TV series she became obsessed with it.  Like beyond what is normal into a really dangerously unhealthy obsession over it, and she had a LOT of unhealthy obsessions going on. To the point where she demanded, she never asked, she demanded that you watched the movie or series so you could be on equal footing with her. There were multiple TV shows where she dumped her entire series collection on to me so I could watch and catch up to her. There were comic books that she dumped in my lap that she demanded I read to catch up and fall in love with the characters that she had fallen in love with when she was a child.

But for as much as she insisted that you enjoy all the same things that she did, she never once reciprocated that. It took me at least 5 years before she finally watched one of my favorite movies. She was asleep 20 minutes in. Again no respect for anything that I wanted to do or enjoyed but whatever she wanted that's what we had to do. 

But the disrespect and contempt she had continued for any time we were out and about. There was one time I distinctly remember we were at an event and walking through the crowd and I felt a tug on my shirt so I looked over to see what she wanted and she was using my t-shirt to clean her glasses. She never asked. She just decided she was going to use my T-shirt as a rag to clean her glasses. That's the kind of "friendship" we had. 

Nothing but take, take, take.  

And full disclosure, at one time, early on, I thought about getting involved with her as more than friends. Fortunately that never happened. She was too unbalanced, unhinged, disconnected from reality. She would often use movie quotes at inappropriate times because I'm sure she thought it was an original thought of her own. 

Oh my God, and she surrounded herself with people she felt superior to. That was for her own ego because she was so insecure. There was a time she told me how happy she was a mutual friend was a horrible karaoke singer. Because this other girl was younger, prettier and had a really fun disposition.  She was happy she wasn't that good of a singer because she felt that was at least something she had over the other girl. Her literal words. Why did I put up with her for so long?  Boredom mostly. There wasn't anyone else calling me asking to hang out. She did. And most of her venomous personality flaws weren't directed at me. I learned to take it with a grain of salt once I knew exactly where I stood with her. 

OMG, she was so two-faced with seemingly everyone!  The number of times I've heard her bad mouthing, openly talking shit about the girlfriend of a dude she desperately wants to hook up with. He's obviously never made the move, not even when he was single so you know he's not interested. But she's still holding a torch for him. And his current girlfriend gets all kinds of HATE and venom spewed in her direction. At least, behind her back. To her face, she's all smiles and, oh, I'd love to come to your place for a pool party. Thank you, you're such a great pal. The hypocrisy just kills me, that people can be like that. 

I should also add another thing that I noticed she started doing for the last year we were even friends. Any time I started to talk about other women showing an interest in me, she had this look of suspicion, doubt. Like as if I were making it all up. Literally it was never any support or even genuine interest but skepticism that other women, ANY woman would be interested in getting involved with me. 

With Friends Like These, Vol. II

I used to be friends with a guy who, this guy was literally a chick magnet. It's unusual to even used that term, feels a little outdated and out of place in 2022. But this guy literally would have women hanging all over him everywhere we went. If we were hanging out with the group at a bar or a club before the end of the night he probably would get at least three or four digits, girls just like lining up to talk to him almost. It got to the point where even family members and exes of mine would ask about him. It was really just like beyond awkward. 

What's funny though is that despite that kind of attraction that he drew, he still felt a need to brag about conquests he made. Although sometimes I question if those conquests were legitimate. There was a mutual friend that he claimed she and her boyfriend needed to have a conversation about their own relationship because he was causing some sort of stress on the boyfriend. Like the boyfriend was insecure, uncomfortable that we were all hanging out as a group without him. There was a claim he made that he went to Disneyland on a date with a girl and while they were on Pirates of the Caribbean she took matters into her own hands (along with something else) and took care of him while they were going through the ride.  There was another time when he claimed to have bedded a mutual acquaintance. A girl that many of the guys in our group of friends were trying to hook up with. And he says she invited him over his place and took your business the first night they hung out together just the two of them.  Come to think of it, there were at least half a dozen girls from our group of mutual friends that he claims to have bedded. So again all in all very unusual that he would go out of his way to brag about things like that when I later came to find out a few of those were not true.

But this guy for the most part was a pretty good friend still as long as you ignore those other sides of him.  One-on-one we got along famously, we were hanging out all the time and he at one point even told me that he loved me like a brother. That he thanked God everyday for our friendship. 

Couple of years later and all of that went out the window when I was in the middle of a breakup with an ex and he decided to not only take her side but introduce her to another buddy of his. 🤔 I couldn't help but think that *MY* brother would never side with an ex of mine, much less, try and hook her up with a friend of his. 

With Friends Like These...

I used to have a friend and I thought we were pretty good friends. We didn't hang out a lot individually, just the two of us. But there were countless times we would hang out with a big group or at house parties.  

A few years before the pandemic started, there was a stretch of time when she stopped doing a lot of the big group activities, stopped doing a lot of the parties and she would often complain that most nights it was just her and her dog sitting at home alone watching movies. So I started asking if she wanted company. I could come over, bring a few drinks, bring a few movies and just hang out m. She never took me up on the offer. Despite constantly complaining that she never got to do anything and no one ever called her to hang out.  She still didn't actually seem to want the company. Or at least maybe it was just my company she didn't care for? 

It wasn't long after that she moved out of state for work for the better part of a year before shutting it down and moving back home. Trying to make it in business by herself probably seemed a little too difficult. So she came back home and I naturally assumed we would start hanging out and talking again. That never happened. And it was probably a few months after she moved back where we had just stopped talking all together. I unfriended her off social media shortly after that. And that was probably a few months before the pandemic started. I have no idea where she's at now in life what she's doing with her herself anymore. But I do often wonder what it was that caused the distancing in the first place?  Odd since we were "friends," I thought, for right around 10 years in total. 

Just a Little Token of My...

 Set me free,
Why don't you babe? 
Get out of my life, 
Why don't you babe?

Randomly thinking about a breakup from MANY moons ago.  This girl decided to take one of the countless items I had gifted her in the time we were dating and set it on fire.  A purification ritual, I suppose?  She made a big show of it and posted the photos publicly on social media.  Boy, she sure got me back with that one.  What I couldn't help but wonder at the time was, 'What about ALL the other stuff I gave you during our time together?'  Why only set one thing on fire and not everything else?  If the purification was to get rid of the memory of me, then wouldn't it stand to reason to clear out everything I gave you?  Or are you really just picking and choosing the things you actually liked and getting rid of the stuff you weren't really fond of at the time and our breakup was the perfect excuse to get rid of the things you didn't care for all along?  

The answer seems pretty clear to anyone following along.  I just find it funny that people make a big spectacle of getting rid of one or a handful of things when the reality is, you're picking and choosing not only what you want to keep but actively making an effort to retain some things I gave you.  Clearly, the things you liked don't bother you as much and you obviously will remember me to a certain extent when you look at whatever it was that is left over.  

I'll admit, when I've broken up with someone or even ended a friendship, I'll clear out some things.  Photos of us get tossed and yes, I'll throw out some random little knick-knack I may have received.  Hah, I think to one time I was gifted a handmade pin/brooch.  I wore it the day it was gifted to me but man, it was UGLY.  Honestly, I wasn't exactly proud to be wearing it but we were hanging out that day so I kept it on.  It was all wonky in size and shape.  I think children taking an art lesson in elementary could have made it better than this 30-something woman.  But still, I held onto it until we weren't in one another's presence that day.  Off it came and oh, darn, I must have dropped it on the way to my car.  Drats.  

Another time, a former friend and I met up around the holidays and we had an unintended gift exchange.  She had just returned from the better part of a year overseas and I gave her a Krampus themed stein.  This thing was a beauty and I almost didn't want to give it up.  But I gave it to her just the same.  In exchange, she gave me a wedge of cheese.  I shit you not.  Cheddar cheese if you're wondering.  At least it's the thought that counts?  I guess she had gone to Cheddar, England and visited the caves where the cheeses were first stored to age centuries ago.  I assume she picked up a wheel of pre-packaged Cheddar on her way home.  Realized we were going to meet up for an impromptu exchange and, "Hey!  I've got some cheese in the fridge!  Louie loves Cheese, right?"  I'm pretty sure she was sincere in giving me the cheese as she never let on that it might have been a joke she was playing on me.  Which only makes the whole thing even more disappointing.  By contrast, previous trips to the UK, she gave me a tin of shortbread biscuits (cookies) that resembled the famed red phone booths.  I still have the tin in my kitchen.  Another time, she gave me a keychain of a double-decker bus.  I still have that hanging on my keychain organizer right by my front door.  

For the most part, if I'm genuinely appreciative of whatever I do receive, I hold onto that sucker.  Hell, I've kept birthday and Christmas cards from friends and family for several years now. I don't know if I'd say I'm very sentimental but there are lots of little things that I appreciate.  Mom gifted me some beanies for Christmas this past year and it's funny because even though I already have/had a collection of at least 6 other beanies, I've worn a couple of the one's she's given me multiple times since the year started.  In fact, some of my profile photos, I'm wearing one or two of them since then.  I think back to, God, it must have been at least 15 years ago and my oldest niece had bought me a CD organizer sleeve.  The kind that used to mount onto your sun visor in your car.  She was so little at the time but she knew how much I loved to play music in my car and that was just something she thought I would appreciate.  Which I did.  And kept it until I finally traded in that car a few years later.  It unfortunately didn't fit the visors in Betty I so it went into a box with a lot of other stuff I'd received over the years and didn't have a use for but didn't want to throw out.  That entire box and its contents have been lost over time.  

Conversely, I have a knack for gifting the "best" presents or the most random things ever.  And I'm pretty proud on both those counts.  Stuff people love and hold onto for a long while.  I'm currently thinking of a 1-year-old who's become attached to a Minnie Mouse plush I gave her for her birthday and she drags that thing with her everywhere at home, I've been told.  I've gifted friends candy filled pinatas, and just today, for another friend who keeps pet chickens I've ordered some 3D printed T-Rex arms so she can accessorize her ladies.  I can't wait to see pictures of those when she gets them.  

Harryhausen Unboxing: Talos with John Walsh

Of all of the master's creations, Talos is far and away my favorite.

Ten Years Gone

 It was a regular Friday morning as far as I was concerned at the time.  I had a few to drink the night before so it wasn't uncommon waking up a little later than usual.  This time, later being,

6:15 a.m.  Groggily wake up, do my morning rituals and head to the living room to catch a little of the KTLA morning news before I need to get ready.  Finally about an hour later, I start to head to the shower when my phone rings.

7:38 a.m.  With everything that had been happening with dad over the past several months, I had gotten into the habit of leaving my phone ringer on all the time and just as I was grabbing a towel, I see the caller ID is my brother-in-law.  I answer and he tells me; "Louie, the hospital just called, your dad had another heart attack, Angie's still here but Veronica's about to take her to see him."  In my mind, I was already recalling this was his third heart attack since September.  And I was already planning on going out there to see him Saturday so I reply; "Thanks Damon, I'm going out there tomorrow but let me know how he's holding up, o.k.?" 

As I'm showering, I keep getting this nagging feeling that I should be out there, something felt different this time.  Once I'm done, I call in to work and let them know I won't be going in today.  I need to go see my dad.  I throw on some clothes and jump in the car towards the freeway.  I briefly stop at 7-11 for a Rockstar and once I start to pull out of the parking stall, my phone rings again.  It's Veronica.

8:26 a.m. I stare at the phone for a second or two.  I stop in the middle of the parking lot.  I know what's coming before I even answer.

There were so many emotions that came with that.  Despite having braced ourselves with what we all knew was the inevitable, it doesn't diminish your feelings in that moment.  Rage.  Despair.  Anger.  Even a little relief knowing how much he was struggling, how much he was suffering, going through.  

I cried for about 10 minutes before I gather myself and make a single post on social media for our friends and family.  That our warrior lost his final battle before I drive on to Riverside.  
He had been bestowed the title of warrior because when he was first admitted to the hospital back in September 2011, we were told to come say our goodbyes then.  He wasn't expected to last through the week.  But he fought on.  Just when it seemed he was becoming stable enough to possibly return home, he would lapse and back into the ICU.  But he fought on.  Two heart attacks and what we believed was a stroke, but he fought on.  He even managed to fool the family into thinking the hospital was releasing him so they went to pick him up, drove him home and once he was took weak to even make it from the van to the house, AMR came to pick him up and drive him back to the hospital.  He lied to the family who helped him with his escape.  He finally was well enough to move into a rehabilitation center where he could start to build his strength to make it home for good.  We had a big Christmas party for him with dozens of family in attendance.  He ended up back in the hospital just before New Year's Eve.  But he fought on.  

He was doing better.  Mom was visiting him daily as well as a couple of aunts and uncles would make the drive to see him regularly.  And they all said that on the evening of the 2nd, as they were leaving the hospital, that he looked to be in much better spirits.  That he had a lot more energy about him, that things were really starting to look like they were turning around.  So much so that they thought they didn't have to be there at opening, that maybe they could sleep in a little bit, rest up a little more before going back in to see him.  

Dad passed away from that third heart attack at 7:28 a.m. on February 3rd, 2012.  Ten years gone.