Ten Years Gone

 It was a regular Friday morning as far as I was concerned at the time.  I had a few to drink the night before so it wasn't uncommon waking up a little later than usual.  This time, later being,

6:15 a.m.  Groggily wake up, do my morning rituals and head to the living room to catch a little of the KTLA morning news before I need to get ready.  Finally about an hour later, I start to head to the shower when my phone rings.

7:38 a.m.  With everything that had been happening with dad over the past several months, I had gotten into the habit of leaving my phone ringer on all the time and just as I was grabbing a towel, I see the caller ID is my brother-in-law.  I answer and he tells me; "Louie, the hospital just called, your dad had another heart attack, Angie's still here but Veronica's about to take her to see him."  In my mind, I was already recalling this was his third heart attack since September.  And I was already planning on going out there to see him Saturday so I reply; "Thanks Damon, I'm going out there tomorrow but let me know how he's holding up, o.k.?" 

As I'm showering, I keep getting this nagging feeling that I should be out there, something felt different this time.  Once I'm done, I call in to work and let them know I won't be going in today.  I need to go see my dad.  I throw on some clothes and jump in the car towards the freeway.  I briefly stop at 7-11 for a Rockstar and once I start to pull out of the parking stall, my phone rings again.  It's Veronica.

8:26 a.m. I stare at the phone for a second or two.  I stop in the middle of the parking lot.  I know what's coming before I even answer.

There were so many emotions that came with that.  Despite having braced ourselves with what we all knew was the inevitable, it doesn't diminish your feelings in that moment.  Rage.  Despair.  Anger.  Even a little relief knowing how much he was struggling, how much he was suffering, going through.  

I cried for about 10 minutes before I gather myself and make a single post on social media for our friends and family.  That our warrior lost his final battle before I drive on to Riverside.  
He had been bestowed the title of warrior because when he was first admitted to the hospital back in September 2011, we were told to come say our goodbyes then.  He wasn't expected to last through the week.  But he fought on.  Just when it seemed he was becoming stable enough to possibly return home, he would lapse and back into the ICU.  But he fought on.  Two heart attacks and what we believed was a stroke, but he fought on.  He even managed to fool the family into thinking the hospital was releasing him so they went to pick him up, drove him home and once he was took weak to even make it from the van to the house, AMR came to pick him up and drive him back to the hospital.  He lied to the family who helped him with his escape.  He finally was well enough to move into a rehabilitation center where he could start to build his strength to make it home for good.  We had a big Christmas party for him with dozens of family in attendance.  He ended up back in the hospital just before New Year's Eve.  But he fought on.  

He was doing better.  Mom was visiting him daily as well as a couple of aunts and uncles would make the drive to see him regularly.  And they all said that on the evening of the 2nd, as they were leaving the hospital, that he looked to be in much better spirits.  That he had a lot more energy about him, that things were really starting to look like they were turning around.  So much so that they thought they didn't have to be there at opening, that maybe they could sleep in a little bit, rest up a little more before going back in to see him.  

Dad passed away from that third heart attack at 7:28 a.m. on February 3rd, 2012.  Ten years gone.