It's taken me a while to get around to writing about this one mostly because there's a lot of history. A LOT of history. Like, 10 years worth to unpack. So this story may start to meander simply because it's a sprawl. I'll try to keep it at least cohesive but who knows how it'll turn out once I get it all out there. And again, there's a lot out there.
This girl, and I avoid mentioning her name because there's a handful of mutual friends between us to this day but considering it's also 10 years to go over, odds are anyone who even passingly knew us during this period are probably going to quickly deduce whom I'm speaking of. Hell, this preamble may be enough for some to already have an idea about whom this is about.
But I met this girl through a meetup group shortly after moving to Orange County. Honestly, at the time I didn't know how close we'd eventually become, she was just another girl in the group. And I even showed up with a different girl whom I'd met at a previous event with this same group. This girl and I didn't even really talk much with one another that night at the pool hall but over the course of the next few months, we started pairing off more and more often. Eventually going to pub quiz events she'd organize where we would spend hours talking and soon enough, gossiping about other members of the group. Who was hooking up with whom, who were the desperate people trying to hook up with anyone, etc. Oh come on, if you've been to any Meetup event, I'm sure you quickly realized many of these groups had become dating pools. Guys and girls. But this girl and I, we just sort of laughed and mocked them all. And ended up even spending a lot of time with one another apart from the group itself. So much so that a LOT of people thought WE were dating, that we had become an item.
What's important to note here is that, at this time in my life, recently having moved to Huntington Beach, my dating life EXPLODED! I'm not saying this as any kind of brag or boast but simple matter of fact that, without even really trying, I was meeting/seeing/going out with/hooking up with a new girl every few weeks. A few stretches in that summer of 2010, there were times when I'd be on a handful of different dates multiple times in a week. Some ended early in the evening, some ended much later at night, some back at my place, etc... So it was during this time when I sort of made a decision to just enjoy being single. To not commit myself to anyone for the time being.
That decision actually ended up frustrating a handful of girls that, in my mind, were simply just friends. I'm pretty sure a few of them wanted to develop something more that I wasn't interested in. But this girl, to my knowledge, wasn't one of them. She was cool just hanging out. Despite outward appearances. I know I got plenty of my friends asking about this girl I was 'dating.' And I'd correct them. She even told me at one point that summer, when her mom was on vacation and trying to locate her, mom stalked my Facebook page to see if she was with me that night. I thought that was hilarious. Her own mother thought we were a thing and checked my social media to see where we were since she couldn't get a hold of her.
Now, don't get me wrong, she was an attractive girl. Definitely my type (no, she wasn't a redhead!) But as I said, I just wasn't looking for a commitment at the time. And she was cool with that, I figured.
At one point, she even started seeing one of the guys from the group and I was genuinely happy for her. Until we all found out this dude was literally going through meetup group after meetup group just hooking up with girls randomly and bailing after a few dates. Smash and grab, you could call it.
We stayed friends through the years and she met pretty much every girl I dated when I did finally start to actively seek relationships. Although I'm sure MANY of those girls I dated were jealous of our friendship. Insecurities, clearly. That there's a girl out there who knows me better than they did, has known me longer and their imaginations start to take flight. Once, my friend pointblank asked me if a girl I was dating 'hated' her. I couldn't deny it but I tried to soften the blow. But there's just so much you can say when it was obvious. Girlfriend was the jealous type and proud of it. She once said that a little jealousy in a relationship is a good thing. I'll give you a few minutes to unpack that. lol. This was also a girl who, at a welcome back party for my friend, as I'm talking to another girl I hadn't seen in over a year, my GF wraps her hand around the back of my neck and starts to twist my head to face her and plants the biggest, sloppiest kiss she's ever given me. Intentionally interrupting my conversation in the process. I think the next step would have been for her to pee on me to mark her territory. But I digress.
My friend and I, over the years, shared many late nights out drinking in various bars and clubs here in Newport and HB, oftentimes we, just the two of us, would end up laying out on the sidewalk in front of her dad's condo staring out at the stars while we waited to sober up enough to head in or drive home. There were a handful of times however, that maybe our binge drinking upset her. In that, a few times I had way too much to drink. "What?! You?! No. I cannot believe it." You must be saying to yourself. Yes, it's true. I may have tipped back a few too many and just wasn't in any condition to drive. So I naturally assumed I could just crash out on the couch. Countless friends of mine had done the same at my place. If you know the maroon couch, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Anyway, I assumed I could just crash out there until I could sober up and head home. But there was one night at her dad's place. Despite my condition, I could still recall what was going on and what was being said. Another friend of hers was hanging out late and it was the three of us at that point. Me on the couch and the two of them in the kitchen and through moments of clarity, I could hear them talking and he was asking/suggesting if she and I were going to be getting busy later. I couldn't see her from where I was sitting but I could 'hear' her violently shaking her head, scrunching up her face in disgust at the thought. He laughed and was gone maybe 20 minutes later. She finally came over and sat on the chair next to the couch. She hemmed and hawed a bit before she finally blurted out, "So are you planning on staying? It's not that I mind, I just would have liked it if you had asked first..." Obviously she did mind, otherwise she never would have asked. I could barely stand but part of me, in the back of my mind, the semi-sober part at least, was a little hurt that she brought this up. Much less, in my current state. I honestly considered getting up, putting my shoes back on and heading downstairs to sleep it off in my car instead. But my mind and body weren't going to cooperate with one another at that particular time. I think that was the start of the way our friendship was going to change from there on.
Over the years, others still continued to ask why we weren't an item. But eventually, we just started to drift apart. She went to study overseas for a year or so and when she came back, despite her proximity, she felt distant. She moved out of state to find work shortly afterwards but moved back when it wasn't working out. By the time she came back the second time, it just wasn't the same. When I tried to schedule a night out or even just something small to hang out, she blew it off, didn't even respond.
When my birthday came around in 2020, I naturally invited her. She gave a weak excuse about being busy but she'd try to meet up at one of my stops. The night of, I never heard from her. Come to think of it, that was about our last exchange before the world stopped. For whatever her reasons were, she was done with me. I truly loved this girl, as a friend. And even though I do think of her from time to time, it was her decision to cut me out of her life.
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